Week 9 Predictions:
Basil Ride > Screamers
Taco Tuesday > Space Pussy
Bulletproof Tigers > Harper Valley PTA
Happy Shirt > Terrebonne Po’ Boys
Merchants of Death > Where’s My Pitches?
Das Boot > Los Matadores
Chalmersiz > Jazzhaus
Bad News Bagels > Channel 6
Rats > Hotel Lobby
Murda, Inc. > Free State Growlers
Goats > Up to Eleven Late Fees
Kunt Punts > AsteroidHEAD
Red Lyon > Hurtz Donut D-Holes
Ghosts > Brewballers
Sacred Sword > Rockets
A few games.
Happy Shirt vs. Terrebonne Po’ Boys @ Holcolm Right, 5 p.m.
This game would (probably) go the other way if it were played at Holcolm Left. Kris Marshall has single-handedly destroyed teams over there, while Happy Shirt isn’t exactly a home-run kicking team. Happy Shirt is, however, a better kicking team, and kicking into the wind (as is usually the case on Right) is advantageous for it. Just like both teams’ previous games, I anticipate a 1-run, low-scoring game.
Happy Shirt yields the best defense in the league, allowing only 26 runs per game. Conversely, Terrebonne is the best offensive team,scoring 130 runs total (16.25 average).
I, unfortunately, have to miss this game, so someone text me updates if you’re one of the lucky ones to see it.
Das Boot vs. Los Matadores @ Holcolm Left, 5 p.m.
Few things are more dangerous than playing Das Boot on Holcolm Left, and Los Matadores should know this. While Los Matadores had legitimate home-run kickers last season, it doesn’t quite have the legs it once did; Das Boot may have lost one of its crushers, but it still has at least four on the roster than clear the fence on a good day. Whether Das Boot is able to fully exploit this or be forced into a string of pop-outs will be determined. A slew of injuries has affected Los Matadores defense, and even more errors on the Chalmersizes’ part last week helped them with a win, so this game could definitely be a struggle for them.
Chalmersiz vs. Jazzhaus @ Holcolm Left, 7 p.m.
Chalmersiz made numerous defensive and base-running mistakes in its one-run loss against Los Matadores, a couple of which could potentially have changed the outcome. Jazzhaus, on the other hand, was crushed 13-4 by Das Boot. It was the Jazzhaus’ second lowest-scoring game this season since week 3, when the Love Garden Squids, the second-best defensive team in the league, held them to 2 runs. Chalmersiz usual steady defense hasn’t been consistent. In its four losses, Chalmersiz have allowed 34 runs. Jazzhaus, meanwhile, struggles to keep teams from scoring, allowing 11.625 runs/game.
Red Lyon vs. Hurtz Donut D-Holes @ Holcolm Blue, 7 p.m.
Red Lyon crushed Channel 6 last week, 12-3. The Hurtz Donut D-Holes scraped by the Bad News Bagels, 4-3. Both teams have fairly similar numbers, so this game ought to be close. Both are loaded with speed and veterans . . . and speedy veterans.
Team / Record / Runs / Runs Allowed / Win%
Hurtz / 6-2 / 124 / 41 /75.15%
Lyon / 7-1 / 110 / 47 / 70.06%
Hurtz has slightly better numbers overall, but a lot of that comes from losing 13-1 against the Love Garden Squids, the second-best defensive team in the league. The winner of this game has the inside track to winning the 2s, which could ultimately push it closer possibly the overall 4-seed, depending on the outcome of the 1s.
Sacred Sword vs. the Rockets @ Hobbs, 9 p.m.
Game of the Week yields the veteran-laden Sacred Sword team vs. the relatively-newly-shaped Rockets. Both teams are allowing around 8 runs/game, with Sacred Sword averaging 8 and the Rockets 8.25. Sacred Sword is scoring 13.25 while the Rockets are averaging 11.25. Between the Rockets’ three losses, it’s allowing 7.67 runs, whereas Sacred Sword is allowing 10.34 in its three losses. Sacred Sword’s bigger legs could take advantage of the Rockets’ risky outfielding, so the Rockets need to decide whether letting a couple singles escape them is worth potentially allowing a triple. Sword by a couple.