I think there are three words that can describe week one WIND, WATER AND WEIGHT.
WIND: At Holcom left two members of das boot booted balls over the fence. Thank you terminator that leaves you with only 4 more this season to reach my goal, however I heard it was only sloppy seconds to Michael Coggins’ initial popping ball over the fence. Holcom right it was the oh fuck that ball just shifted ten feet to the right kinda day which led to the Bulletproof Tigers game to be run ruled. Word on the street was that Lyons also struggled with balls that just sorta dangled in the air.
WATER: At 9pm straight up the rain started. Dear Rats and Asteroidhead we thank you so very much for starting on time and playing no matter how big those raindrops were fallin’ on yer heads. The game seemed closer than the score revealed but that could have been because of the impending doom that was hanging overhead. The game went through the 7th inning, although Cougar is apparently made of sugar and didn’t stay to lead us in song. Instead here were a few of the things that were thrown out to the crowd: club rat towels, stuffed rats and Scoby’s from Asteroidhead. That’s right if you don’t know what a Scoby is, check it out.! 
That is by far the only live thing ever tossed into the crowd at GOTW. Hopefully no one besides Paul Santos and myself were scared by the visit from Mickey Mouse. We were able to get a full game in but were unable to give away the jumbo checks, so look for that celebration next seventh inning.
WEIGHT (or the lack there of). Have you noticed how many kickball players have lost the lbs? I barely even recognized Steve Harding from Happy Shirt. He is down 65lbs. JP from Channel 6 is down 40lbs. and Erin Hayden from Screamers is down 20 lbs. May each one of you proudly rip your shirt at least once this season from success!
Now that all of the cobwebs have been brushed off our catching shoulders, we’ve all recalled how often some teams bunt, and remembered how to properly ice our coolers its time to get into week two….
LYONS
Los Matadors at Bulletproof Tigers- THE WEEKLY SHUT OUT PREDICTION OF THE WEEK AWARD GOES TO THIS GAME. Insert Cougar Gong sound here. Sorry Cougar I sure hope you have a full team this week coz the matadors know ten not eight people make a defense.
Happy Shirt over Where’s My Pitches – Hopefully this new team name isn’t directed at long standing championship pitcher Nikki from Happy Shirt. Don’t worry Bobby McFerin will be happy again.
Red Lyon at Harper Valley PTA – The Ginger Snatches and Shotgunning Beers Bowl. Regardless of win or loss babies could be made after this deadly but fun combo.
Chalmersiz at Taco Tuesday – We all love tacos but we love #15 more.
HOLCOM GAMES
Kunt Punts at Hotel Lobby – All I can think about is vagina. Vagina’s like lobby’s so the Hotel will win.
Free State Growlers at Goats – Sorry Free State you are the ones who are going to feel the meeeeehhhhhny shades of rage the Goats are gonna unleash this week. Goats don’t like losing and you’re just the next team in their quest to a first victory.
Wildman Attack Force at Brewballers – With this game at Holcom Left Wildman and their rocket legs are going to travel the cosmos further than Neil deGrasse Tyson. Whoever is in center field on Holcom Right is gonna be busy being lefts “shag boy.”
Murda Inc at Channel 6 – Other than the GOTW my “game to watch.” Murda Inc is the old school classic finesse team. Channel 6 the new “hey did you hear about all the traniners from the Summit they recruited” team. The short fence could have a major effect as to who wins. Whoever gets more over the fence wins.
Merchants of Death at Rats – Even water wont kill a rat. Can Rats keep this streak going without bad weather? Will the merchants of death and their “one of our teammates played in the Orange Bowl” keep their winning streak from 2013 alive? The team with more experience currently will pull it out this week. Edge to the Rats.
Hurts Donut D-Holes at AsteroidHead – Sorry asteroidHEAD, even though you are revitalized by Kanbucha, the D-Holes and their hefty Cronuts are gonna coat you in bunts of bacon glaze.
Jazzhaus at Sacred Sword – Jazzhaus pulled out the upset last week, but Sacred Sword has the speed and experience of a fighting Pokemon. S-word swins.
Basil Ride at Rockets – Sarah Riley isn’t going to be needing surgery immediately and will be back giving their team added motivation to keep winning. Basil Ride needs to carbo-load a few more weeks before they find their fuel.
Love Garden Squids at Ghosts – The Grudge match of week part deux. The Shafer sisters used to be Ghosts. Now they have come back to life as fast swimming Cephalopods. Sorry Ghosts but the living always booooost the dead.
Up To Eleven Late Fees at Das Boot – We don’t have to play them on Holcom Left! We don’t have to play them on Holcom Right! so the only scoring that is happening better be inside the park. Das Boot will definitely cut the crusts off the late fees shark sandwich.
Terebonne Po’boys at Space Pussy – Kris Marshall has never had a career shut out. Trust me, that’s not because he’s nice, oh wait he actually is. Regardless it can’t be a shut out this week because pussy always deserves to score at least once.
GAME O THE WEEK – Another great match up for week deux. Both teams are filled with new players. If BNB don’t brb and drink the whole keg before the game, I think the bagels will win. If the keg runs dry and a fireball chug competition ensues the screamers definitely got a shot.
This weeks photo i’ve entitled tanlines with Kenny.