In the true spirit of KVKL, I spent Saturday doing exactly what we all will probably be doing for the next ten weeks, or so I’d like to believe. I woke up entirely too late and started drinking entirely too early just to gorge myself on chimichangas and Tom Collinses (‘tis the season) and have a custom WILDMAN shirt made. I then spent some $70 on booze because a) St. Lupulin is back! b) Bri Köester and I are starting some weird new exclusive kickball tradition involving Buffalo Trace, and c) I needed gin for more Tom Collinses. So there I was outside Henry’s, seven hours in, trying to write about kickball. I didn’t get very far before being distracted by shots of Powers, so I’m continuing this right meow—which is probably a good thing because I’ll avoid any kind of existential/religious parallels to what is ultimately a kid’s game for adults (of course all sports are kid’s games, but whatever).
Love Garden Squids > Harper Valley PTA
Chalmersiz > Where’s My Pitches?
Sacred Sword > Free State Growlers
Goats > Jazzhaus
Terrebonne Po’ Boys > Up To Eleven Late Fees
Bad News Bagels > Bulletproof Tigers
Das Boot > Space Pussy
Red Lyon > Ghosts
Happy Shirt > Taco Tuesday
Los Matadores > Screamers
Hurtz Donut Holes > Merchants of Deatth
Channel 6 > Basil Ride
Hotel Lobby > Brewballers
Rockets > Murda, Inc.
Rats > Asteroid Head
Arguably the two most contentious games are both at Hobbs: Murda, Inc. @ the Rockets and Asteroid Head @ the Rats. Murda, Inc.’s offense is deadly, but its defense has been shaky. Conversely, the Rockets’ defense has been better than its offense this past season. This game will probably come down to whichever team makes the fewest errors, and I’ve got the Rockets’ defense overcoming Murda, Inc.’s offense. Dan’s undoubtedly going to score regardless, so the Rockets need to limit his RKIs. Easier said than done, of course.
And Game of the Week? Who’s pumped? Assuming we can pay more attention to the game itself rather than the party that is Sunday night at Hobbs, it ought to be a good introduction to the season. The Rats may be the newest team in the league, but it’s played two FBKL seasons already and won last year’s FBKL title. Asteroid Head has more experience, though—and the more sober Barrrrrrrrrr undoubtedly has plenty of fresh material for his at-the-plate shit-talking. I have the Rats winning this one, though. Hopefully it’s close.
What’s the over/under on streakers this season? Will the year-long drought come to an end? And how long ‘til we see Das Brad show up to play a game after being boned by the rain last season? And how many times will our favorite Hannah B. yell “Survival of the fittest!” tonight? My guess is about as many times as I make Cougar take a shot of whiskey with me. So, seven.