The Home Stretch; or, Week 6 Preview, Kinda

John Brown; or, Job 6:10
This division should have undoubtedly been decided in week 3. Thanks to the rain, though, Kansas Tree Care got a few extra weeks to prepare for its regular season matchup against Happy Shirt, the favorite to repeat (again) as KVKL Champions. KTC could have taken a step back with the loss of Kris Marshall—I’m not entirely sure why people thought that, but, hey, whatever—yeah, Kris was great, but he didn’t entirely make that team—it has the right combination of speed, power, experience, and Hannah. Anyway. The McKees are great players, Lou is easily one of the best (and somehow underrated) 3rd basemen, Josh has one of the best legs in the league, and a handful of this team has been a part of three of the last four championships (2010, 2011, 2013).

The Rockets are all but a lock for the 3-spot, showing its ability to score against most teams. Besides the Rockets, no team has scored more than 6 runs (the Wu-oost) against Happy Shirt. In fact, KTC has allowed fewer runs this season (14). Barring a major upset in week 7 in the Wu-oost and Free State Growlers game, this division is essentially locked in. Who knows, though. It’s kickball.

This way? This way? This way.


Carrie A Nation; or, 2 Corinthians 3:12
The Corksuckers finally fielded its full team and came away with a big (and disrupting) win by shocking the Bad News Bagels two weeks ago. Das Boot had a tough 0-2 start before winning its next three, and it faces its probable 3-spot competitor Los Matadores this week, with the winner taking it. Next week, the top two, Bad News Bagels and Mario Chalmersiz, square off for the deciding game. Of course, Chalmersiz has to get past the Corksuckers, a team that has won its past two games.

The Screamers, once a perennial powerhouse and Final Four contender, are on their way to a winless start to the season, while the Ghosts, a perennial underachiever, have played pretty all right all season—it just can’t reel in its defense enough to stop upper-echelon teams. It has a shot to play up to the 6-spot if it can beat the Screamers and Taco Tuesday in next week’s Game of the Week, though that could prove challenging with Taco Tuesday turning itself around after a few abysmal seasons. It kept close with Das Boot last week, losing 6-4, and Los Matadores, 8-6.

If the Bagels can hold on against Chalmersiz, and earn its first 1-seed, it has a good shot at making consecutive Final Four appearances. Of course, Chalmersiz has every intention of foiling that and returning for its first time since 2012.

William S. Burroughs; or, Ezekiel 16:24
Wildman Attack Force has swept through the William S. Burroughs division handily, all but securing the division, while the 2- and 3-spots are still open between the Hurtz Donut D-Holes, Pizza Party!, and the Goats, with a potential three-way tie at 5-2. This week, Hurtz faces the Goats, a 2013 rematch in which the Goats won, 14-11. Since then, though, the Goats have taken some steps back, though a win could push it up to a 3-spot, and a loss could drop it to the 5-, possibly a 6-.

The Rats are in a tough position having to finish against Party! and the Goats, but if it can steal a win from one or both it could push its way up as far as the 5-spot. Where’s My Pitches? can also finish with a winning record should it pull off the upset over Party! and handle Nick Lerner’s Homies. Really, the only two spots locked up are the top and bottom, barring an unforeseeable (and unprecedented) upset between Wildman and the Ladybird Harpies.

Langston Hughes; or, 2 Samuel 1:27
Looking at the standings, there are a few surprises—some of which we’d probably never have predicted. Possibly the biggest surprise of the season is Sacred Sword’s 1-4 record and, in these last two weeks, is playing its way out of the bottom of the Langston Hughes division. It also has two difficult remaining games—against a revitalized ThunderkiXXX team, and an even more improved Channel 6 team. It’s been crushed by the top teams, Love Garden and Red Lyon, and has struggled against the rest, losing to AsteroidHEAD and Merchants of Death, and barely getting by Brewballers, all by one run. Best case scenario, it wins out and earns the 6-spot. Worst case? It loses both and potentially drops to the bottom 8-spot.

Perhaps the best game this week pits the top-seeded Channel 6 team against the potential-top-seeded Red Lyon. If Channel 6 wins, it’s essentially locked up the 1-seed. (It still has to play Sacred Sword in week 7, which could force a three-way tie on top, but . . . see above.) Talk about a total reversal of fortune. Channel 6, once the punching bag of the league—thanks, Cougar—is now vying the top spot, while Sacred Sword, yearly Final Four contender, has had maybe its worst season on record—and with not much time remaining to turn it around.

Red Lyon is still a legitimate Final Four contender. Love Garden’s rookies have struggled. Thunderkickzzzzzzzzz has played well and with a favorable draw could reach the Elite Eight, but will probably match up with Happy Shirt in the second round, like it always does, and be forced into an early exit. AsteroidHEAD is the same as ever, meaning—no one knows what the hell is going to happen with this team. It could pull off a surprise first-round win or it could win the Less Awesome Championship. Merchants of Death is playing a little better every week. Brewballers seems to have improved after cutting its vitriolic players. And Sacred Sword, well . . . 2 Samuel 1:27.



Where’s My Pitches > Nick Lerner’s Homies
Bad News Bagels > Taco Tuesday
Rockets > D’s Nutz
Channel 6 > Red Lyon
Chalmersiz > Corksuckers
Thunderkickz > Sacred Sword
Wildman Attack Force > Ladybird Harpies
Love Garden Squids > AsteroidHEAD
Ghosts > Screamers
Kansas Tree Care > Wu-oost
Happy Shirt > Liberty Hall Late Fees
Hurtz Donut D-Holes > Goats
Los Matadores > Das Boot
Pizza Party!! > Rats
Free State Growlers > Jazzhaus