Can it really be? Really? We have already been playing kickball for nine weeks. Today I started feeling incredibly nostalgic when Kris Marshall posted that he wanted to donate his grill to the KVKL because he is moving soon. Even as one is preparing to leave the LFK he thought of our league and our commitment to the fun that we have weekly on and off the field. Sorry to see you (Kmarsh) and divine Sarah Miller are leaving our ranks this season to places further north and west.
Week nine brought another slew of games that came down to the wire. The Das Boot Los Mats game was a nail biter with Hulk Hogan’s unable to get on base in the bottom of the 9th giving Das Boot another victory in the Four Pool. Game of the week also came down to the 9th inning with the Rockets scoring their final two runs at the top of the 9th. Major ups to Kiley from the Rockets for making all three of the outs against the Sacred Sword at second base to finish the game out. Both of the teams brought the ruckus with dragons and bobbing rockets and a ladies team chug competition from first to home with Nicole from the Po’Boys completing the race before the rest of us all vomited from the lethal combination of bud light and jello. Rumor has it five male teams want to attempt this challenge for week ten’s game of the week.
FREE STATE GROWLERS AT KUNT PUNTS – LYONS WEST – 5PM – Both teams are tied in the rank six pool play. Kunt Punts seemed to handily beat the asteroidhead folk at Holcom last Sunday and the reverse with free state against Murda. Free State always seems to rise to the top at the end of the season, but Im giving this one to the Kunt Punts for that ginger that wasn’t afraid to run the bases wearing only a mask at game of the week. Kunt Punts by a six pack of labatts summer shandy.
SACRED SWORD AT HOTEL LOBBY – LYONS WEST – 7PM – Sword lost a heartbreaker at game of the week last Sunday. Hotel Lobby seemed to have lost a lil of their rhythm since heading into the three seeds. The team who tightens up their bra straps and grows some balls is gonna win the game. Hotel Lobby by two complimentary breakfast buffets.
LOS MATADORES AT JAZZHAUS – LYONS EAST – 7PM – Los Mats fought hard last week but Das Boot had the last laugh. However we know that Hulkamania and negativity are two things that do NOT go together. Jazzhaus stay tough and you gotta shot but I think the Los Mats are gonna channel their inner hulkster and run a lil wild on you. Los Mats by three walrus ‘staches.
CHANNEL 6 AT HURTZ DONUT D-HOLES – LYONS EAST – 7pm – Ill write off Channel 6 loss last week due to the loss of their spirit animal Mike Anderson not playing after close to 40hours non-stop late night chatting. We know the toe-pokes got talent, but can they play like the team the d-holes have evolved into? D-holes might not record opponents games like the Jazzhaus has in the past, but they plot like a good game of risk. D-holes gonna dip the Jazzhaus in six layers of glaze.
UP TO ELEVEN LATE FEES AT SCREAMERS – HOLCOM RIGHT – 5PM – Last time these two teams played it came down to the 9th inning. I expect this again. The one thing the fees got going for them is they have played Holcom right more than any team this season. Screamers have been gelling more as a team, but the Fees have all been playing together for years and have no problem taking it up to eleven. Fees by one huge cucumber.
MERCHANTS OR DEATH AT BULLETPROOF TIGERS – HOLCOM RIGHT – 7PM – I can’t believe I am actually writing this but this is by far one of the best matchups of the week (yup Cougar I went there). Both of these teams have talent, they also can both just shit the bed if not focused. So the question remains who is going to stay focused and lead their team to victory. Ryan all you gotta do is get Cougar to do a keg stand, invite Kris Marshall to watch your game and it’s all over. Cougar, just kick balls at their crotches, if you can stoop that low. Merchants by two bank takeovers.
BAD NEWS BAGELS AT RED LYON – HOLCOM LEFT – 5PM – This is the classic warriors matchup. I can just see Nick Lerner with Mexican coke bottles on his fingers shouting “Bagels come out and play.” While the bagels are finding their inner freedom (or free-gan) behind the bagel shop dumpster ready to bring the battle. Honestly this game is gonna be heated and determines whose alley is truly the grossest in town (10th / 9th east side of mass). Red Lyon by three men urinating behind the replay dumpster.
RATS AT ROCKETS – HOLCOM LEFT – 7PM – Battle for pool three. Rockets had some glitches last week at game of the week, but like the gentlemen they are, they pulled it out in the end. Rats like the creatures they are named after, just keep scurrying around. I know this is a bit of a grudge match from last season. I think this short field is going to hugely come into play. If a few playas can find that sweet spot and get a few over the fence the game is theirs. Rockets by two cups of Mallory’s rocket fuel juice.
BASIL RIDE AT GOATS – HOLCOM RED – 5PM – Basil Ride is a team that has pretty much ran under the radar this season. I think life long KVKL babe Erin Adams prefers it that way. Goats seem to be a little distracted this year. Both teams like the bunt. They do it really well. Whichever team can stop the bunt is going to get a jump on the game. Also Basil Ride, beware of Avery on the Goats. Just because his theme song is Careless Whisper, doesn’t mean he isn’t gonna rocket a ball right to your baby-maker. Goats by three mehhhhsss.
MURDA INC AT ASTEROIDHEAD – HOLCOM RED – 7PM – Cash rules everything around Murda, but losing 4 games in rank play lead them to the 6th seed. We all know they are better than their pool play position. Asteroidhead love yall, but there aint no stopping the murda, well unless y’all show up and eat at 2:45 at the Roost today. Murda by one Ghostface, one Method Man, one GZA, one RZA and all the dead homies.
TACO TUESDAY AT GHOSTS – HOLCOM GOLD – 5PM – It’s the battle for rank pool 8. Both of these teams are like Stella and getting their groove back in rank play. Taco Tuesday needs to not pop fly their balls, keep it on the ground, capitalize on defensive errors and they gotta chance. However I think Diana and Mike want three wins are gonna channel their inner Ms PacMan and eat screen after screen of tacos, like they are bananas. Ghosts by seven quantrill’s raiders.
SPACE PUSSY AT BREWBALLERS – HOLCOM GOLD – 7PM – There’s always something scary lurking in the basement. The question being, is it a pussy or balls? One of these teams is going to finally get a first well deserved victory. Brewballers have been closer over the season, but I know that captain Kristin C-S is back and is doing her darndest to get them to positively play as a team. All I can say is one of these teams needs to follow the goonies and say NEVER SAY DIE! Brewballers by six baby ruth bars.
LOVE GARDEN SQUIDS AT HAPPY SHIRT – HOLCOM BLUE – 5PM – When I walked away from the Happy Shirt / PoBoy game they were down by 9. Thought the tide had turned. But like all good waves in the ocean a larger one was brewing. Happy Shirt dug deep into the dirt (like their mascot Charlotte) and found their truffle of victory. No one has taken Happy Shirt to that many points in a long ass-time. Love Garden wow-ed us all season by solidly getting back to a 1-SEED status. However like many teams who are the 4th in the one seeds there’s all this blue sky but it really could be the perfect storm brewing from the three other top seeds. Squids gotta poke them balls in perfect places and run like a gigantic round boulder is chasing them to the lost ark if they want to win. Happy Shirt by not choosing poorly.
WILDMAN ATTACK FORCE AT TERREBONNE PO’BOYS – HOBBS PARK – 7PM – If Happy Shirt losses, this game will be the battleground for the top seed in the league. This is like legends of the hidden temple. You need to not only work as a team, but you gotta get rid of the guards to get to the jewel encrusted egg of victory. Whoever can hold onto their pendant of life, not make any defensive or mental errors is going to win this most epic warrior battle. Terrebonne by one gator chomp.
DAS BOOT AT CHALMERSIZ – 9PM HOBBS – GAME OF THE WEEK – Right now Das Boot is standing alone in the ranking of the 4th pool of death. Chalmersiz seems to be trying get their eye of the tiger back these past two weeks and have always brought the twerk, the duggie, the harlem shake to game of the week. Conversely Das Boot brought the beer, the kegs and the party to the crowd and then lost. This year we get a gubernatorial first pitch and a battle of the bulge, aka the gold cup to the week ten winners. Das Boot by one booty bounce.