Week 1 (Fake) Lines

I am planning on posting betting lines each week as part of the weekly previews, but I don’t want to end up like these guys. Just to be clear, I will say “fake” as many times as possible until I am confident I won’t be mistaken for a bookie.

Each week I will pull the fake betting lines from the fake AP newswire.

It will look like this:

FavoriteLineUnderdogO/U total runs
Love Garden21Harper Valley28
Wildman18Rats25
Hurtz Donut17Jazzhaus20
Das Boot15Tellerdactyls20
Los Matadores14$P@C3Pu$$y!26
Abraxas13Ghosts25
Happy Shirt12Dirty Mike22
Screamers10Balls Deep16
Goats10West Coast20
Reign of Terror8Toe Pokes18
Red Lyon7Brew Ballers18
Chalmersiz6Liberty Hall18
Slowride6Bullet Proof Tigers12
Corksuckers5Free State16
Party!!4Rockets20
Murda2Asteroid Head23

In addition to the fake favorite, fake underdog, and fake point spread, I will include the fake over/under total runs for each game.

I encourage people to make predictions in the comments and/or discuss what games they are looking forward to watching/playing.

Predict if teams will cover the fake spread, take the fake points, or just ignore the fake table all together and pick a fake winner and a fake loser. Will it be a high-scoring battle or low-scoring grind?

Oh, and here are the fake over/unders for wins, runs scored, and runs allowed for the season:

WinsRuns ScoredRuns Allowed
Happy Shirt8.5155.535.5
Love Garden8.5180.545.5
Abraxas8.5165.570.5
Das Boot7.5120.570.5
Wildman Attack Force7.5140.570.5
Los Matadores7.5135.580.5
Chalmersiz7.5115.545.5
Goats7.5160.585.5
Red Lyon7.5120.560.5
Screamers7.5110.560.5
Party!!6.5135.585.5
Reign of Terror6.5125.575.5
Murda6.5125.5125.5
Liberty Hall6.595.5105.5
Corksuckers6.5120.570.5
Hurtz6.585.5110.5
Slowride6.5100.580.5
Brewballers5.5105.5125.5
Toe Pokes5.5100.595.5
Bullet Proof Tigers4.5105.5115.5
Free State Growlers4.595.5150.5
West Coast Saloon4.595.5115.5
Dirty Mike4.5120.5110.5
Ghosts4.5130.5165.5
Asteroid Head4.580.5145.5
Balls Deep3.570.5145.5
Rockets3.5105.5110.5
Tellerdactyls2.570.5110.5
Harper Valley PTA2.570.5230.5
$p@CP3pu$$y!1.585.5200.5
Rats1.580.5240.5
Jazzhaus1.575.5190.5

I won’t post this second fake table every fake week, but these are the fake numbers that fake teams fake hovered around last fake year.

Call your fake bookies, place your fake bets. For the sanctity of the game, please refrain from fake betting on your own team.

This is all in fun, but for all you hardcore gamblers out there, I do accept Bitcoin. (Just a joke.)

I hope I said “fake” enough.